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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626951">Seven Days that could be Hell</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursa_99/pseuds/Ursa_99'>Ursa_99</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>BAMF of the 100 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, I did this way to late, Madi needs a hug, Put in bellarke tag bc that's what I'm used to and didn't know where else to put this, clarke needs a hug, probably a lot of mistakes, was supposed to be a Clarke Griffin doesn't take anyone's shit and then just got depressing, well i'm attempting at angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:13:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,606</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23626951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursa_99/pseuds/Ursa_99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Am tired with little sleep. Probably starts to make less sense the farther you read, sorry.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Charmaine Diyoza &amp; Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin &amp; Madi, Octavia Blake &amp; Charmaine Diyoza, Octavia Blake &amp; Clarke Griffin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>BAMF of the 100 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Seven Days that could be Hell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Am tired with little sleep. Probably starts to make less sense the farther you read, sorry.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Monday: </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There she is, haven't seen you in a while...<em>Wanheda</em>” Murphy smirked, flashing teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s been like this for the past six months. No matter where she went, she somehow always ran into them. And they never ceased to bite at her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What, the great Wanheda speechless. It must be the end of the world.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A dull thump hit her ears, she couldn’t hear all the curses coming from his mouth, but Clarke knew they were for her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What was that for Echo”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke didn’t stay around to find out what the woman would say. She didn’t understand why the Azgeda spy would be the only one to defend her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not even Bellamy would call his family out, and he was the one to risk everything for his sister long ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Tuesday:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke was in the infirmary, patching up a cut on her thigh after doing one similar to Madi’s arm. She’s gotten better at fighting and so has Madi, while Clarke knew she retained nightmares from the flame she also remembered that the first piece of info they pushed into her was how to might...it seems that was always the answer for the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She thought teaching Madi what she knew would just be a good way to stay fit and survive, boredom or otherwise; Clarke never thought it would help point her child out like a giant light. Look ‘I’m a great fighter, look at me. I’m special, I’m different’.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, can we?” A small voice questioned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke blinked, refocusing on her wound that she absentmindedly stitched up before looking to her daughter. She looked like a kid, she <em>was </em>still a kid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry what” she choked out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Madi hid under the blanket, embarrassed. “You know” her voice muffled through the fabric, “go berrie hunting, just the two of us, and I want to dye your hair...if you’ll let me”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure” Clarke breathed out in relief. It hasn’t gone unnoticed by her that Madi was struggling not to fall into the collection of voices in her head; she’d come home, escorted by Gaia and sometimes another grounder or on rare occasion Bellamy, and there would be no sign of her little girl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No sparking eyes, or mischievous smiles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Madi would ask her, as a former vessel to the flame and as Wanheda, what she should do. When Madi would surface she’d break down into tears asking forgiveness knowing that she didn’t want the title Wanheda, didn’t want to be a child forced to make the hard decisions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In those times Clarke would talk to her slowly, fracturing their little hours left of the day to make sure Madi would not have a personality of a heda long past slide over her face as they talked strategy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was becoming more frequent. The breaking down, the nightmares, the blurriness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One day she would have to let her daughter go while her body still moved.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gaia was always concerned, only over the fact that Madi was getting exhausted and that she was not raised like other nightbloods, but at least she was concerned in a twisted sort of way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The others steered clear, Indra one of the few who wouldn’t leave would just frown when she saw her daughter’s split personality. Gaia was always around and would reassure her that the transition was harder because her daughter was older and not listening.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bellamy… he had the audacity to look her in the eye, with his back strait and hardness in his eyes and say her daughter was leading fine before just disappearing from his occasional night guard appearance for over a month.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She felt hollow like the ghost town of the living they were in. No one seemed to care that they tore apart their home, <em>her family</em>, in their war before occupying it as if they were never there…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Madi smiled, one of her own smiles. Not the forced nice one she was taught or the indifferent frown that sat on her face more than any other emotion</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where's the druggie, actually never mind where’s Jackson”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke knew that condescending voice from anywhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hello, Raven what can I do for--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just answer my question, Griffin”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She sighed rubbing the dry black blood off her fingers, “With Miller, most likely by the food--”</p>
<p>“Thanks, traitor” Raven scoffed, limping out despite her best effort to conceal her weakness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a moment there was no sound save the sliding of material Clarke put away into the first aid kit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Madi broke the quiet, “She’s mad”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“They all are,” Clarke muttered back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It isn’t right,” she continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Neither is cornering you, telling you to take the flame as the only option</em> she wanted to yell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Neither is what I did” It was mostly true.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She heard her daughter mutter under her breath and when Clarke turned around Madi was leaning back with her arms cross.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were protecting me” Madi grouched, moving over so she could sit down too. Clarke sighed, it seemed to be the only thing she could do around here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A little head hit her shoulder, “You bore it so they didn’t have to”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>And now you are too</em>. Clarke leaned her head against Madi’s, looping an arm around her child in a hug that she hoped offered comfort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t say anything, nothing was okay.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her lids were half closed when an arm circled around her own,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You should fight back”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she offered no words Madi snuggled closer, voice lazy from sleep.</p>
<p>“You know next time someone tries to bite you, bite back”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay Madi” she whispered, but her little natblida was already drooling on her arm. Clarke brought her closer, wrapping her in their little blanket that has been with them since she found the rover; it was warm and full of holes, hell it was practically falling at all the seams, but it was familiar. It was safe.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Unlike them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Wednesday:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t fight like them”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry” Clarke whipped the sweat from her face, she thought sparring with Madi was a workout, but with Diyoza it was hellish.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The new mother was the same and yet different. She was softer, kinder and less on edge. It was probably because now she could move with ease, and Clarke thanked all the deities she leaned about on the Ark that Diyoza was pregnant during the war, because they would not have survived. She was her own little army.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The colonel looked at her, practically analyzing her. She smirked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke just frowned because the woman barely broke a sweat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t fight like the grounders, yet you know all their moves...you need to finish telling me your story”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke huffed, taking the offered water from the woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t know how it started, the sparring and talking, the <em>stories </em>being shared, but she’s grateful for when Diyoza would help relieve her stress and worry. You can’t do that when you’re dead on your feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You gonna bring out the shock collars for old time sake”. The <em>cold </em>water was refreshing, and was something Clarke never thought she’d miss. It was something so simple and yet...she chugged it till tears pricked her eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The woman laughed, hearty and strong. It was very different from her normal one Clarke would hear at night, something Clarke never thought she’d hear come from this woman, hell it’s something she never thought she’d hear again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were born during the wrong time Clarke, but from what I’ve heard we would not be here without you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry, most would agree I should not have been born at all”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A look of sympathy fell over the woman’s face, it wasn’t the first time Diyoza has lowered her walls; but it unnerved Clarke, this woman gave her sympathy, she just didn’t know if it always made her feel like she was squirming in her own skin because a mass murder was the only one offereing a sliver of comfort, or if it was the fact that someone could actually understand her pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well fuck them then, you got me, and as great as I am and should be enough, you have Hope and your squirt in your corner”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>For now,</em> Clarke thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Diyoza” It was surprisingly true.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A hand slapped her hard on the back, making her choke on her water, “Don’t mention it, I have a character to uphold after all...and it’s Charmaine, Clarke”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Funny, I thought your first name was Colonel”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The woman laughed and slapped her on the back some more, “Get clean Griffin, it’s story time. You have ten minutes till Hope gets cranky and starts to cry”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How is that my problem” she yelled back at the receding broad back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She’s your goddaughter Clarke”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yeah, that was something else Clarke wasn’t expecting, she somehow got a godchild out of everything. It was something Madi wouldn’t let her live down in all of it’s ridiculousness, it was one of the few things that could bring light into Madi’s eyes</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, yeah, Clarke was named the godfather for several reasons, the first being Diyozas’s sense of humor, it made her own dark one look normal. The second reason had something to do from her old days on the Ark, apparently, she was only one from the Ark who knew what memes were...well besides her mother, but while Abby understood them, she didn’t find humor in it like her or Diyoza.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And the final reason why Clarke was the godfather was because, “You’re still here”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Someone else had that title.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A figure stood behind her, causing Clarke to ease just a bit to finally know who was watching them from the shadows in her and Diyoza’s normally private sparring sessions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“She is right though; you’ve never fought like one of us”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Octavia stared at her, a hollow fire burning in her eyes. Clarke didn’t know what little adventure happened during the first month of relative peace between the Wonkru and Eligius, all she knew is that Bellamy left his sister to die somehow, after he had experienced the same pain, and Diyoza vanished.</p>
<p>The colonel had named her the temporary successor, unless she didn’t come back after three months. Let’s just say Clarke almost started a new war, again, and she didn’t even know it. Good thing the two came back after that first month.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was never like anyone, don’t belong anywhere anymore, I guess” <em>Maybe I never belonged anywhere in the first place, not really</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> Octavia nodded. Quietly setting up the training room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke and her duked it out more than once with Diyoza reffing, she said it was good for us. Clarke didn’t believe her for a second, hell it was only Diyoza keeping either of them from killing the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They weren’t anywhere close to comrades, or friends, not even the peacefulness from when they first landed...but they did understand one another, despite being on such opposite sides and the bloody ground between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both bore it so their people didn’t have to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke nodded back, knowing the other woman pretended not to watch her every move. Clarke packed her stuff, she’d have to grab some snacks for little Hope before story time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She walked out the door just as quiet as if Clarke was walking through what were once her woods.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe Octavia would come out of her hiding place when Clarke continued her story today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="u">Thursday</span>:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke was dozing, after a night shift with McCreary’s old team Clarke wished she never taught mercy to her child. Three of them have already been executed, on the down low of course so that Wonkru wouldn’t think them weak.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She just hated that she had to see more people die, even if they probably deserved it. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable, Diyoza refused to let her be out of a position of leadership for some random reason.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Low thumps brought her heart to her throat, her fingers itched between reaching for the knife strapped to her thigh or the gun at her bedside table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Deep breaths, she told herself. It was probably just another sentry making rounds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Six months and she still wasn't used to the noise of more than one person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sliding of metal alerted her to the intruder, without much thought her left went for the gun and her right crossed her body for the knife.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, calm down” muttered a voice, but Clarke could hear the smirk behind it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Lights flipped on chasing away the shadow of the storm clouds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She hissed blinking away the pain, but giving up and ducking under her pillows.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not today Clarke, I know you finished watch but I need you to watch Hope”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ask Shaw” she hissed; the other woman clicked her tongue. “He’s still in the dog house, now get up that’s an order”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Diyoza was enjoying herself, Clarke glared at the woman who pulled away her pillows before plopping down her child onto her stomach.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Since am I one of your grunts, or follow orders for that matter”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Diyoza just turned around, kissing a peace sign to her lips and putting it up in the air, “Later, I’ll be back when I’ll be back, little grunt”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Asshole” Clarke huffed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s my line,” Diyoza said over her shoulder before leaving. It didn’t go unnoticed that Charmaine didn’t answer her. Somehow it made her feel...hopeful, no pun intended for the child dropped on her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, do you want to see how mom’s doing” she poked the little girl’s cheek. Hope drooled all over her, but she was smiling, oblivious to the hate that surrounded them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke wished she could be that young and naive, she wished to be that innocent once again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Baby Hope pulled Clarke’s hair in a tiny fist and kooed. Clarke laughed quietly to herself,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We could use a bit more of you in the world, Hope”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Friday:</span>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Octavia joined her in the berry meadow when Madi canceled, again. She didn’t say anything to Clarke, only let her knee touch that of a woman she grew to hate with a passion so long ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The woman didn’t say anything as Clarke let her wet anger shed itself down her face just as Clarke had for her weeks ago.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat there for hours, watching the sun rise over the hill and set into the trees till the stars of their old home appeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke opened her back, sharing the berry bar that was once a comfort to her, now it was a reminder that her peaceful valley was truly gone. Her home was no longer the same.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other woman accepted, out of pity, hunger, or curiousness Clarke didn’t know. Didn’t care.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know” her voice cracked from misuse and the threat of unsung sorrowful tunes. “You were her favorite...how about I tell you a story, about another girl hidden under the floor”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Octavia nibbled on the bar, making a pleased grunt at the taste.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They both ignored their tears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Saturday:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke just wanted to get her food and leave, she didn’t like the dining hall, not when she moved out the dozens of corpses and sure as hell not now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At least the dead are peaceful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look who decided to join us today, nice to see you <em>Clarke</em>”</p>
<p>Clarke ignored Murphy, despite Madi’s persistence, she knew it would do nothing to change what happened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It wouldn’t change how Spacekru wouldn’t understand the pain of being isolated. The pain of all her transgressions. They wouldn’t understand any of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke felt like she was being pulled in so many directions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Careful Murphy, she’s the snake's <em>friend </em>now” Raven snarled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, which one” he grinned chewing on an apple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Both of them” Clarke jerked, guard raised instantly. She never liked being startled, never has she reacted this bad till everyone came down. And while she knew Octavia was around her most of the time, the woman still had a knack for the woods even with all that time underground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Murphy glared past her shoulders at the woman behind her, he took the apple from his mouth, knuckles white as bone around it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Little Blake. Bellamy never did believe me when we were younger, I always told him you were crazy”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man in question frowned but stayed quiet, he barely looked up at them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“At least I admit it, coward” Octavia drawled, she looked to have gotten as much sleep as Clarke did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You bitch” he hissed getting to his feet. Clarke got between them, not the smartest move, but a fight wasn’t what she wanted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, great, Blodreina and Wanheda teamed up. Welp, were dead, see you guys in hell”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A hand appeared on his shoulder, keeping him back, “Enough, Murphy” Echo warned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why the hell are you defending them” he yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at them, well more specifically Clarke, “you should have finished choking her when you had the chance”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Heda told me not to, now sit” Echo kneed him behind the leg with enough force to take him down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What” It was strained, almost nonexistent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No one paid him any attention, save Clarke who was boring her eyes into his own.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>This is what our family has become</em>, she wanted to scream. <em>Look at us, I’m no longer your family and may never have been. Are you happy?! You got my valley, my daughter, what more do you want.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke could feel Octavia looking at her, normally the woman would have lunged. At one time she herself would have yelled and faught, maybe they were both too broken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Apologies, Clarke” Echo tried getting out but Raven was the next surging in hatred.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re apologizing to <em>her</em>, look at all the destruction around you this is her fault. For all we know her kid will do the same”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Octavia leaned forward, hand going down to the sword on her hip, but Clarke put an arm out stopping her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Enough” she ordered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Excuse me, what did you say” Raven hissed, she was nose to nose with Clarke now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke glared at her. They could do what they wanted to her, but what Madi was facing was all their fault. All the kid wanted was to meet her heroes and this is what she got. Betrayal and pain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you enough” she accented every word. Clarke could feel her anger boiling past their restrictive areas. She was never the head in regards to her daughter. She needed to get out of here before she accidentally started a riot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raven’s hands pushed her, hard. Clarke caught herself, nodding in thanks to Octavia who was ready to catch her if need be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Make me Griffin” the mechanic challenged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know I hurt you and that you are still hurting but--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fist knocked her square in the jaw and into the long table, “You don’t know the meaning of hurt”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone quieted, a few of the Eligius she’s befriended and those still weary but trusting Diyoza’s opinion of her, were up and ready to intervene. Even Bellamy was up on his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke didn’t mean to, but she laughed and as soon as she started she couldn’t stop. It sounded mad to her own ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was finally starting to show just how broken she was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s so funny, traitor” But despite the anger, Clarke could see the confusion--and was that fear in the woman’s eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry” Clarke coughed, able to regain some of her breath, “I just thought you would hit harder”</p>
<p>It’s not to say that Raven couldn’t punch, no it hurt like a bitch, but it was nothing against Diyoza.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Diyoza had nothing against Bellamy’s betrayal or the radiated flames of Praimfaya.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raven yelled, anger reddening her cheeks. She punched again but Clarke dodged. Despite her leg wound Raven was agile in most cases, and she had a familiar technique.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You fight like Azgeda” Clarke said, curious as to where. She caught a glimpse of respect in Echo’s eyes before she had to roll onto her back away from Raven and onto the other side of the tables.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke leaned forward almost on the other side again. She was about to do something she’d never really done all that much, but fell for every time she sparred with Charmaine. Be an asshole to close not to miss with a hit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raven lunged forward, but Clarke was ready and tightened her stomach muscles. Air screamed to be released but this was nothing. She grabbed Raven’s fist and pulled forward, dragging the woman who she once considered a sister across the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In a second, her black shirt (it was starting to get into summer and Clarke knew heat stroke would set in by the leaves alone, so she tied her jacket to her hips) was twisted around the mechanic's wrist, exposing only half of her scars to the world.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke ignored the gasps and whistles as she kicked off the table with one foot, dragging Raven all the way over. The woman’s body hit the floor and while her arm that was tied with cloth was held by Clarke, the blonde had to use every ounce of willpower not to break the mechanic’s arm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It would be so easy to get even, to show these strangers an ounce of what she’d felt over the years. Breathing out Clarke released her grip and Raven’s hand fell with a slap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She really has changed, they all have.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Clarke” she ignored the voice she craved to hear for so long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Raven looked ready to kick a leg out but stopped when Clarke pulled out her knife. The mechanic look shocked be it at her body or the knife in hand,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do as you will”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke slid the metal across her own body, clenching her jaw from pain, drawing screams as she traced an ‘X’ over her lower stomach and the bump that was finally starting to work the metal out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She angled the knife till it looked like she was going to stab herself through, and if she was honest the idea sounded appealing. To leave all this pain and hate behind, but like she told Alie all those years ago, you can’t do that unless you overcome it.</p>
<p>“You know nothing of what I’ve been through Raven, and you don’t even care to try”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke dug the edge in just a bit, the sound of metal on metal was all she needed to hear. With the precision of a surgeon she thought she’d be, Clarke removed the bullet that had finally worked itself back around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held it up on the knife, looking at the small thing that could have done so much more. Without word she tipped the knife, dropping the bullet onto the table.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Shoulders back and head high, Clarke walked and didn’t look back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She nodded to the younger Blake, who came up behind her, matching her pace.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Octavia grinned with a peaceful ease that has not been on her face in a long time. She held two bowls in hand, “Look what I stole”, she passed one into Clarke’s cleanest hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Diyoza appeared from the side as they reached the last step, looking into the dining hall at all the commotion and then at Clarke’s lack of attire, scrunched shirt tucked in her pants, and black blood everywhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I ask?” her bored voice said.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke and Octavia looked at each other, before grinding and looking at the older woman. Diyoza blinked, unamused, “Never mind, I can get video. I know you two ain’t innocent, let’s go”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With nothing else, the woman started to walk. Hope was draped over her shoulder waving a little chubby hand at them to follow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two fallen leaders clinked their bowls together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span class="u">Sunday:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quiet knock brought her out of thoughts of her father.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a hand on her gun she opened the door, revealing Bellamy leaning against the wall as if he had slept there all night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey” his voice broke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She didn’t remove her hand from her firearm, and it broke her heart deep down; but this was her reality now, to see your friends die or to see them become something they are not.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey...”</p>
<p>He looked past her shoulder, as if trying to catch a glimpse of the her that died in Praimfaya. The one who would not have left him to die. The one who was willing to sacrifice everything for her people without second thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bellamy dropped his eyes to hers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can we talk” he hesitated, “I know we should have--I should have brought this up earlier. I just never found the time and then it wasn’t there. And then the valley and the war”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There never is time” Clarke found herself saying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The man nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, “Please” he begged. “I know a lot has happened, but I want--<em>need</em>--to talk with you”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is the first time you’ve looked at me in over a month, like really looked at me”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bellamy opened his mouth, but stopped nodding. They stood like that for some time, just inches apart and yet farther than when space was between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wanheda, I need council”, a quiet, yet firm voice brought their attention to the young heda turning from the corridor. She looked shocked to see Bellamy there, no one visits the one who leads death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I apologize, I did not know you were in council already...we will be waiting at the church”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Madi turned around, ready to leave with her back to strait and her fists to clenched when Clarke called after her, “It’s okay Madi, just give me a second”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The small heda nodded, standing still with her arms behind her back, she swayed to an imaginary tune that Bellamy would never hear and one Clarke could barely recall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Clarke turned to the man she waited for for six years, “Talk with your sister, she is your family”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?! Your may family too, Clarke. Please we need to talk” he protested, but she removed his hand that somehow found itself on her shoulders, even if it did hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We can talk when I’m done with” Clarke nodded over to her daughter, “whatever came up this time...then we can talk after a story”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She pushed past him, past the hurt and betrayal. He wasn’t her responsibility right now just as she is not his.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What story” he called. Clarke was almost out of earshot, for a second she just stood there and watched him. Thinking she didn’t hear he opened his mouth to call again when her voice floated down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was so quiet and yet it was all he could hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The one hundred and two, kids sent to die. You and your family seem to have forgotten what it was like to be cornered and told to make a choice”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wasn’t glaring at him, not like how she was when they all got to the valley. Instead she looked drained beyond anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How was he supposed to fix this? He couldn’t take back what he’s done, but he couldn't say he wouldn’t have done it again, not if it meant Clarke would die.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But as he watched a mother lead the shell of her child away, watched her face break when the kid said something he could not hear, and watched the woman he thought he lost six years ago punch the steel wall almost collapsing before lifting herself up once again to follow the impatient steps of the young heda.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wandered. Should he have?</p>
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